Skip to main content

Depths of Diaspora


Depths of Diaspora

I am two weeks away from becoming a college graduate and this journey has taken me to heaven, hell, and back. I approached my freshman year of college with dreamy eyes and anxious ambitions of being the next former NBC host Melissa Harris Perry. I also came to Troy University with a heart that was dedicated to a high school sweetheart of two years. My relationship was over by the end of my first semester and I was completely devastated. I had new responsibilities, a new home, new people and the only familiarity that I had was with my ex back home, who was gone.

Many people experience their first heartbreak in high school after being stood up at the prom, movies, etc. My first heart break took place in my shabby dorm room with a roommate whom I barely knew and was rather uncomfortable with my unorthodox relationship all together. During that breakup, I lost myself chasing unrequited love. The longer I chased, the more I began to trap myself in desperation, denial, and depression. After 1.5 years of shaking that baggage off, I vowed to never commit my heart to another person in college again. Stating, “no one knows what they want. Everyone is too busy having EVERYTHING!”

 “At its core, education has always been about relationships.” - Aaron W. Hughey and Bowling Green


For three years I refused to date, attempting to avoid emotional attachments. In that period of being single I began to lose touch with being cordial and social to any person who was interested. I feared that their intentions with my heart would be detrimental. However, I thought it would be liberating to just accept that I am interested in individuals but I did not want their promises, love, or expectations. The more I have grown, the more I realized how deprived I was because I no longer shared compassion. I spent a majority of my time protecting myself rather than trusting and living.
I realized that there were many things that I was ignorant to when it came to trusting young hearts. I was content with having jaded relationships..... well that was until my attention had been caught!

 My best interest was no longer the first to be considered, I was no longer in pursuit of what I could gain before losing interest. For the first time in years, I considered limitless love rather than timed or confined compassion.

“Tell ‘em that it’s human nature…”

Humans need to be bonded, we are a loving being with hateful traits that are only present when love is absent. Love is the first emotion I knew and understood. As a little girl I would run up to greet my mother every day after returning from work to tell her that I love her. I remember my love as being so open... so unguarded!

I am at that point now that I want to carelessly and freely love, unfortunately, I am in a dilemma. I am about to graduate college and my heart finally decided to cooperate in the midst of me job-searching around the country and my partner is in the midst of leaving on a military assignment. The depths of diaspora have left quite a pit in the security of my love… the same love that fuels my motivation, passion, and secures my vulnerability. In this time of diaspora, patience, faith, communication, and constant reminders of love is what will continue our connection.

For you and your significant other, my advice is to Plan. Communicate. Stay True. And Keep it Private! Never forget to live in love!


This is my story… stay tuned to hear more from other campus crushers!
-De'Laurenz

www.indigoheaven.net
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

If I Had Only...

Life can be as fulfilling as you make it. When people begin focusing on what the next person has, they miss the true treasures in their lives. You will never be satisfied if you cannot appreciate how God has blessed you. I can remember a church sermon where my pastor discussed this topic and he explained it beautifully. Two families were brought to the front of the congregation, a family of three and a family of five. The family of five lived in a six-bedroom home and the family of three lived in a two bed, one bathroom home. He compared the two families' access to resources that provided for their own needs. The pastor then asked how the family of three could be envious of the other family for having more, when both families have exactly enough for their means? Jealousy is a part of everyone’s personality. Siblings can be envious of one another and be given the exact same things. Employees can be jealous of another employee because their work is always recognized. ...
Post a Comment
Read more

Forgive Yourself

Life is challenging but we are not put here to live in struggle. Struggle is nothing more than life lessons. There is absolutely nothing wrong with failure, we can't always come on top. When a person makes a mistake, experience teaches us. Perfection does not exist in man. There is no good in holding disappointment within yourself because everyone messes up. We are accountable for our life choices and the actions that we take, however, we can not harbor our mistakes. Consequences can be harsh but with forgiveness we have a gateway to a fresh start. For example, it is hard to live up to certain people's expectations. I have disappointed quite a few people because of the choices that I made. Self-condemnation was one of the heaviest crosses that I grew up having to bare. I could not bring myself to asking for forgiveness, nor practicing how to forgive myself. I realized that withholding my mistakes, left me stagnant. I was stuck in denial and I made it more difficult ...
1 comment
Read more

It's a Thin Line

It is hard to witness anyone, no matter if they are close to  you or a passing stranger swirling into a downward spiral.  The idea for some is like faint embers that still chokes at their memory.  I'm familiar with two types of helpers in the world. There are people in the world who helps to the point where they walk themselves into the shoes of the other person. This group of people are nurturers , their first reaction is to extend themselves in order to piece that broken individual back together. The second group helps with a long-handled spoon. These helpers are called directors .  A director will show you where you need to go to build yourself up. This group will give you all of the knowledge, resources, and experience that they have.  Both groups of people are obliging, no one’s heart is  any bigger than the other’s. Further, no one's method is better than the other is. They are both needed for certain situations. A difficult thing...
Post a Comment
Read more